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Ask A Elizabeth

Use this space to ask questions, get insight and coaching.

Be clear with how you’d like me to help you…

  • “I’m confused when you say, “____” in the Goal Process workbook on page 6. Can you give me an example?”
  • I’d like your insight on this. I’ve thought about it and would help with how else I can see this. (then details about the situation).
  • I’d like coaching. Here’s what I’m thinking, help me see what’s happening here.
  • I’m not even sure how you can help…but here’s what’s happening and here’s what I’d like to happen

Submit your question.

The answer will be posted on this page below within 24 hours. Come back to this page to view it, reply and learn from others questions.

Answers To Your Questions

"Something's Wrong"

Question:

In evaluating the C of No new consults, I’m noticing multiple Ts about right/wrong:

“I’m not doing the right things”
“I’ve been spending time doing the wrong things”
“I could be using my time better”

The T of “I’ve been spending time doing the wrong things” is unhelpful. My brain starts listing off all the wrong things I did. I feel shame and beat myself up.

The T of “I’m not doing the right things” is a bit more helpful. My brain sometimes interprets this as a prompt for, “What ARE the right things?”

However, that doesn’t actually mean I have enough motivation to actually DO the right things.
Suggestions?

—————————————————————

Answer:

 

Excellent job even seeing these as thoughts, instead of facts.

Let’s use the line down the middle technique to help your brain see what was helpful and what wasn’t, in relation to creating consults during this 4 week period.

Write it on paper. Step back into Observer Mode. Go back and forth as your mind provides insight.

For example you may write down on the “not helpful” side:

  • I spent a good chunk of time thinking, “I’m not doing the right things”
  • Then ask yourself how thinking this kept you from creating consults (specific things like; I felt insecure thinking it, I kept searching for the “right” things to do, I didn’t even want to talk to my people because I wasn’t sure what to say, I spent very little time thinking about my person and why my offer will help them)

Do this exercise and send it back to me, being specific with this is the key to it feeling like you know exactly what to do next (and want to do it).

 

Feeling overwhelmed.

Question:

Hello! Last week during the call I talked about increased stress as I have become a caregiver for my mother in hospice, a client considering ending our coaching agreement after one session, and another client deciding not to start coaching after weeks of her being a yes. Today, my third client who had verbally committed to coaching did not show to her session or respond to my message resending her the link for our session. And, the client from last week has officially asked for a refund. Both he and his partner have written me to ask that I refund their $5000 package minus the cost of their two sessions.

I need coaching for what to do.

Here are some facts:
I only have $1000 to my name after I pay my mortgage on the 1st. This is indeed a fact. I have drained my savings. I have emptied my 401k. I have maxed my credit cards.

I have a no refund policy.

This client is part of my referral networking group and I feel uncomfortable upholding my no refund policy, especially since I have never verbalized this policy – though it is written in the agreement.

Policy also for for 14 days written notice to cancel coaching – thought I am not sure how this applies if there are no refunds.

I am afraid to tell my husband that I didn’t make the money I need this month to contribute to our bills.

Thoughts:
Unhelpful:
This client will judge me and feel victimized if I don’t refund her.

It is my fault that this is happening.

I am financially ruining my family.

People are going to be mad at me.

I have to do it all.

Helpful:
Money and clients come out of nowhere.

It is still possible for me too reach my goal ($18k)

Its ok that things are hard right now.

I am a really good coach.

Feelings:
Tons of shame and anxiety. It feels like nausea through my chest. Sickening feeling.

Sad. Heaviness through my center.

Overwhelm, like I am disconnected from my body, an urgency to run away.

 

—————————————————————

Answer:

This is a sucky place to be. Anytime we have multiple high-emotion issues it pushes the bounds on the mind. So of COURSE you’re feeling overwhelmed and your mind wants you to disconnect and hide.
 
It looks like you need to:
  1. Talk to your husband about family money and what your business money looks like at this moment
  2. Decide how you are going to handle this refund request (maybe starting with listening out your choices, even if you don’t like the choice, so you can see them clearly)
If you want help brainstorming any of this or processing specific thoughts let me know.
 
Here is where I’ve found to be a powerful point to start though…
 
Who do you want to BE as you have these conversations and make these decisions?
 
Who do you NOT want to be? (but maybe are accidentally being now)
 
The answers you come up with will change when you choose who you’re going to be on purpose. As a business woman, as a wife, as a human with a mind and emotions.
 
So for example…
  • I want to be a good partner to my husband. I want to remember that I trust him, that it’s okay for me to feel and that I’m safe to share vulnerably with him. I also want to take care of me by preparing him mentally for the conversation and telling him ahead of time what I’d like to get from the conversation so he knows as he listens how to best help.
  • I want to take care of me as a human. I want to remember that this is a piece of my life and not all of it. I want to label and feel emotions so they can run through me instead of staying stuck. I want to accept that I have thoughts and not feel like I need to look at all of them.
  • I will remember that there is no “right choice” I’m trying to find but rather looking at the options and having my own back no matter what I choose.
Loving my offer

Question:

I don’t think I’m doing enough to love my offer. I know my 1:1 coaching offer helps my clients. I’m a bit worried about the price — are people willing to pay $1500 now because of cost of living increases, uncertainty, etc. My more expensive offer feels like even more of a stretch.

Another factor: yes, my 1:1 coaching changes lives and helps people — and my speaking and presentations do too. I’ve had multiple people tell me this in the last couple of weeks! And pitching and delivering talks gets me more excited than trying to get 1:1 clients. (Even though they’re related, as speaking and events is often how clients find me.) So I’ve been spending most of my energy lately on the speaking side and not so much on following up with individuals.

In writing this out, is the model emerging as
C: 4th wk of goal
T: Speaking is more fun than getting 1.1 clients
F: ?
A: Don’t follow up with individuals and potential clients
R: don’t get more 1:1 clients

 

—————————————————————

Answer:

Notice this model in play here, which helps explain why you’re enjoying speaking MORE than selling 1:1 coaching…
 
C: Selling Coaching, 4 week goal
T: I’m worried people don’t have $1500 and my 1:1 coaching is too much a stretch for them
F: worried
Action/Inaction:
  • focus on people that don’t have money (forget people exist that DO have money)
  • doubt my offer is desirable
  • stop seeing the impact/value to those that also have money and why they happily trade the money
  • get joy from speaking instead, see speaking as a way to help people
  • avoid following up with people that expressed interest
  • stop remembering the specifics of how 1:1 coaching changes their lives
  • accidentally believe 1:1 coaching and speaking help in equal ways
  • forget that the POINT of speaking is to help those that want a deeper transformation know I can help
  • don’t clean up my thoughts about money (just keep believing the thoughts)
  • forget to believe that people exist that want to pay, even though you can’t see them with your eyes yet
R: I don’t see the value/impact of my $1500 offer and it’s too much of a stretch for ME to believe people want it
 
Only money received?

Question:

For our 4wk goal, are we counting only money received into our accounts, or also what’s been committed to? For instance, if a new client chose a payment plan.

 

—————————————————————

Answer:

 
You get to decide. I like to focus on the most delightful option. This does require putting down any ego that wants to brag about high months.
 
Remember though that this is literally just for how YOU think about and feel about your money. If you aren’t impressed, it’s a good sign of where some judgment or comparison is lurking. Cleaning it up will make money so much more fun.
 
I’m launching soon. I’m offering a payment plan. My goal is to create $100k. I like the word “create” because I’ll know when it’s created by adding it all up and it doesn’t actually matter which months it comes in over. So notice how this already told me how to think. If I wanted “cash in the bank” for some reason, I would have been specific with the goal like that.
 
My thoughts with “Creating” money sound like this:
  • T: I love having recurring payments coming in, it’s such a fun baseline…like a job with predictable income but better!
  • T: I love receiving money in the way my clients love giving it
  • T: $50k cash came in this month and $50k will come in over the next 6 months…I created that
 
 
Processing Thoughts: "I'm not speaking to what my clients want"

Example:

Someone shared a thought, “I’m not speaking to what my clients want”.

This thought feels like a helpful awareness. But often what happens is the emotion feels bad and instead of DOING anything with the awareness the brain wanders away.

I asked this client to run a model on this thought, this is what she replied with and my answer BACK to her.

Her Answer: 

Not sure how this helps, unless it’s to show me this are unhelpful which is apparent.

C no new clients
T: I don’t believe I’m speaking to what my person wants help with right now.
F: lost
A: see where it’s not working,
R. no one sees or hears or reaches out

—————————————————————

My Answer:

A thought can be clearly unhelpful but the action line of that model when broken into great detail can reveal exactly what to do next and help your awareness become triggered when you go back into an unhelpful loop.
Here is my version of this model as an example.
C: 0 new clients in 3 weeks (4 week goal)
T: I’m not speaking to what my person wants help with
F: Insecure (I was resistant first and then found this under it)
Action:
  • Making this personal about me
  • Don’t see this as a normal part of business
  • Feel bad, resist feeling bad
  • Tell myself I should be working on ways to think about what they want but don’t
  • Start going through courses & books I have on this but then get overwhelmed
  • Question if I even know who I’m talking to
  • Question if my offer is even right
  • Believe this thought as true instead of seeing it as an optional way of seeing data
  • Spend no time brainstorming what my person wants
  • Spend no time choosing 1 of those things and testing it
  • Spend no time considering how I would know if I was speaking to what they want (instead just judge myself)
  • Forget how valuable coaching is and how much it’s changed my life
  • Stop having fun talking about what’s possible with coaching
R: I stop speaking to my people / I lose sight of what they want
The result line without the action line feels like something you could judge and say, “just do it”! but when you see the action line it makes sense why that’s the result you’d create. When I look at this action line my brain thinks, “oh my gosh I could just do THAT”.
Helping yourself through all or nothing thinking

Question:

As I am ready to network, take action to contact people with my plan, I am losing it over my niche, what problem I solve how to say it so people get it and want it.

—————————————————————

Answer:

You want to practice pulling thoughts out of what just feels “true”.
Thoughts from above:
  1. I am losing it over my niche — this is actually an action referencing a thought but we’ll let it be a place holder
  2. T: I don’t know what problem I solve
  3. T: I don’t know how to talk about my offer so people get it and want it
These thoughts pretend there is no middle ground. That you either know THE problem or you don’t. You either know the magical way to talk or you don’t. Or that people wanting your stuff is supposed to be EASY and like everyone isn’t constantly focusing on this even as skilled business owners.
Here are some questions I’ve created just for these thoughts that will help you access other ways of thinking you ALSO have:
  • Q: if you stopped giving so much focus to your niche, what would you focus on instead?
  • Q: do you know some problems you solve?
  • Q: do you know one way you could talk about the problems they have?
  • Q: are you willing to keep talking and adjusting UNTIL people get it?
  • Q: are you willing to just love coaching and talk about it from that love and belief in what’s possible for others?
Losing it over my niche, the problem I solve and how to say it

Question:

As I am ready to network, take action to contact people with my plan, I am losing it over my niche, what problem I solve how to say it so people get it and want it.

—————————————————————

Answer:

Let’s focus this on the action you want to take.
Action: network, contact people with your plan
Right NOW, your mind is thinking some thoughts that are making this not very easy. And when we look at these thoughts as thoughts, it is clear why it doesn’t feel good to take action.
Starting thoughts:
  • (niche thoughts)
  • T: I don’t know what problem I solve
  • T: I don’t know how to talk about my problem so people get it and want it
You want to stop and see that this is a HABIT spot for your mind.
You want to take action and your brain immediately starts to think these thoughts. I bet you think them even after you have made decisions around your niche and problems you solve.
This is important to note because that means knowing the information doesn’t change anything when your mind is just used to thinking in this loop.
Let’s come back to the desired action. Think of it as moving into the circumstance line. It’s what you’re pointing your mind at (intentionally and unintentionally).
C: Networking
Now it’s time to ask you questions to help prompt your mind in what it also thinks and will more helpful to taking action…
Q: what do you need to remember to believe to take action right now? 
(about yourself, about who you help, about what’s possible for your person or about the flexibility of your offer) 
Daily Work Data Based Thinking

Question:

In the first part of the daily work, I’m writing out the thoughts that are tripping me up, that are unhelpful.

And then writing out helpful thoughts sort of as reframes as helpful counters to the unhelpful thoughts. Is this correct?

Or should I only be writing out thoughts that are actually already there (helpful AND unhelpful).

—————————————————————

Answer:

If I’m reading this correctly it sounds like your reframed thoughts aren’t always thoughts you already believe. Everything you write should be what you believe right now or that links to what you believe like, “it’s possible 1 person is thinking about hiring me right now”.

At the top of this exercise should always be what these thoughts are pointing at. Maybe it’s the goal in the time left, or something even more specific. After you write down the thoughts that are tripping you up it’s important to remind the mind what all this thinking is referencing.

On the “probably not helpful” side of thinking you may need to work through those thoughts more. Bring those to coaching and we’ll do that together.

We can do this exercise together on the next call to practice and work through your questions. Others will get a lot of value from this too.

Losing steam

Question:

I was doing the daily work and noticed a thought: “I am losing steam”.

I delved a bit deeper and here’s what came up:
I buy courses/programs/coaching but don’t follow through.
I buy it but don’t use it to its full capacity. (I take information here and there as it suits me – the result of this is that I don’t fully implement or take the kind of action required to get the result I came for and I then just sort of hide in the background)

My brain then offers me unhelpful thoughts like:
This is why you don’t achieve your goals
You’re wasting money and time

I would appreciate some help in turning this around as I am having a hard time not believing these thoughts AND I want to show up fully for this container and any future container I choose to be part of.

—————————————————————

Answer:

One path you can take to understanding these thoughts is looking at what happens WHEN you think these thoughts. You can add to this from your own awareness.
When I see a list like this for myself I feel relief that I’m not stuck in an awareness of my strange action/inaction without the ability to change it. I also have compassion for myself seeing how thinking this thought has made doing/not-doing this stuff so reasonable.
From this place of acceptance it makes it easier to look at the thought as optional and changeable…and to see how changing the thought will change how you’re showing up without a bunch of effort to change how you’re showing up.
C: Week 4 of the 6 week Sprint (3 weeks left, week 4, 5 & 6)
T: I buy courses/programs/coaching but don’t follow through / T: I buy it but don’t use it to its full capacity.
F: self-judgement, resistant, discouraged

Do / Don’t Do:

  • You don’t use that moment to sit down and do the program
  • Your brain goes to the past and focuses on how you’ve done this before
  • You imagine “full capacity” exists, compare yourself to it and feel worse
  • You don’t ask yourself what you want to get from this course
  • You don’t show up to give yourself what you want from the course
  • You put this on as an identity for yourself, “I don’t follow through” (instead of deciding who you are on purpose and seeing everything you do or don’t do as separate from your personal identity)
  • You don’t get specific to see exactly what where you’re getting stuck/not following through (not even opening the content, reading the content not doing it, etc.)
  • You think a set of thoughts to BUY something…but some set of thoughts then stops you from using the course (and you’re not seeing what those thoughts are)
  • You’re not asking yourself the simple question for a specific course, “why aren’t I using this?” and listening to the answer your brain gives you (even decoding it if necessary)

When I get done looking at this I always go back and remember where this started. The circumstance. You have a course you want to use. You have this moment to use it.

Is there a template for our best guess plan?

Question:

I’m realizing I don’t know if I actually created my best guess plan! I just have a vague idea of what I’m doing for marketing and sales.

Is there a template or worksheet?

—————————————————————

Answer:

Have you watched the video under replays above called “best guess planning”? I’d start there.
Your best guess plan is only made up of these parts:
  • Pieces you use in your business (to meet new people and invite them to work with you)
    • Example — I only have these 6 pieces in my business; Email list, trainings, IG, podcast, ads & connecting with people.
  • Strategy/Decision to do those pieces in order to get your persons attention and communicate how you can help them (emailing weekly, posting daily, etc)
  • Using your mind to focus on the end result, create emotion and take action
  • Anticipating ahead of time where you’ll struggle (so you can see it, plan for it and manage your mind more effectively through it)
    • Example: You use IG to grow your business, you put it on the list to do daily…you already know ahead of time that you don’t want to post and probably won’t. THIS is something you right now already knows and can help future you do.
  • Doing the plan, learning from yourself (doing it or not doing it) and continuing to show up for the goal

You don’t get to know ahead of time what will “work”. So it’s a best guess that you start and adjust along the way.

Be sure to include what you do, how you think AND how you want to feel.

Review evaluation for feedback (getting more specific)

She sent me a full evaluation. For this example I’m sharing her “what didn’t work” section so everyone can learn from my answer to her.

What’s not working?
  • Scheduling my to-do list items as floating items in my calendar
  • Triple-booking myself in my Google Calendar with tasks, talks to attend, etc
  • Doing what feels urgent — I still haven’t done my follow-ups from the event even though I know my next steps, identified easier ways during the group coaching call.

—————————————————————

My Feedback:

Under your “what didn’t work” — get more specific. This is a great starting point.
After you write down that first level of awareness though you need to explore more.
Example:
What didn’t work?
“Scheduling my to-do list items as floating items in my calendar”
Why isn’t’ this working?  (let your brain answer)
  • I don’t get the stuff done.

Why not though? (let your brain answer)

  • I don’t feel connected to doing that specific thing at that time
  • I forget
  • I think, “I don’t need to do this right now” or “I don’t want to do this right now”
Notice how the first thing you wrote is the entry point to what’s actually happening. You can only access it though by questioning each statement until you get something that feels like an ah-ha or actionable.
I'm not doing the things I said I'd do... (a process for getting stuff done you've been avoiding)
Question:

Why am I still not doing the things I said I would do?

Why am I getting distracted by what’s urgent — I’ve never been able to really grasp that urgent/important matrix!

—————————————————————

My Answer:

The answer to why we don’t do what we say we’ll do comes down to either a thought or a feeling. That doesn’t mean it’s simpler…but I like to remember that it’s not mysterious.
You can figure out YOUR specific why by asking yourself:
  • Q: why aren’t I doing this? or the last time I scheduled to do this, why didn’t I?
More likely though you want to know HOW do I actually get the stuff I avoid done. Here is a process for THAT.
First, you’re going to do the following work when you’re ready to do the task.
The following questions answered right before you do the work will prepare your mind to get it done.
Let’s get specific with something you want to do and are not. Following up with those people is what we talked about last time. Let’s use that as an example.
You might ask yourself, “why haven’t I done this yet?” or even more specific…”the last time I had this scheduled, why didn’t I do it?”
And then watch for the thoughts. Write THOSE down. Notice how you feel when you’re thinking about them. THAT’S why you’re not doing it.
It doesn’t have to make sense. We’re ruled by feelings and all it takes is a little dose of insecurity or nervousness and our brain without being watched will avoid the source of that feeling.
You have these thoughts and feelings written down. Be the observer of them (not seeped in belief that they’re true)
If you aren’t motivated yet to get started on the tasks, you might ask yourself, “why do I WANT to (do the specific task)?”. This is an emotion you’re accessing. That emotion will motivate you.
Now you do the thing you’ve been avoiding.
You may have to stand over your own shoulder watching yourself and encouraging yourself to keep going. You may start and notice your brain wants you to stop, or suggests a thought you already wrote down to be aware of.
Should I have a consult for my program?
Question:

My brain is offering the thought: “You’re attracting the wrong people”.

I was doing the daily work today and I am thinking that I have lots of men who join my email list. My membership is for women entrepreneurs. I am afraid that if there is a direct buy button to join the membership then men might join.

My thought was to offer a consult instead of a direct buy button. So that I can filter the “right” people and make sure that the membership is a good fit for them.

Another thought I have is that maybe I am not sure who the “right” people are so I am not directly speaking to them. And if I am it would automatically solve the problem and the right people will join.

It will be great if you can help me unpack and sort through these thoughts.

—————————————————————

My Answer:

I’m glad you asked because there is another choice that is WAY simpler than doing consults for a membership.
Have a direct buy button…and say clearly that it’s only for women. Then, if any men DO buy. You can refund them and get back to work without giving this a lot of brain space.
Your “right” person is the person that wants the results you help them get in your membership and your flavor of work. (your flavor is YOU. Your style, the way you think, the examples you use and the way you talk about their problems). That could be 15 different people type but they all want what you offer. Julie is one person type, Tina is another, Amanda is another…they’re people-types because one person you speak to draws in lots more like them and gives you room to talk to slightly different people.
Finally, notice how much brain focus your mind wants to give fearing you aren’t attracting the “right” people VERSES how much time you’re spending thinking about your offer, how it solves your best person’s pains and sparking another angle of how you can talk about it.
Clean this stuff up but don’t let it take up all the brain space so there isn’t room for what matters to hitting your goal.
Post Consult Turmoil (they were a yes, now a no)
Help Request 
Here’s where I’m struggling:
– A prospective client said “not now” and I’m bummed about it. My brain is making it mean that it’s a sign, that something’s gone wrong, things aren’t working, etc.
We had a discovery call Monday that went really well. She showed up for it already half-sold as she watched a talk I did at an entrepreneur event 2 weeks ago. She said yes on the call.
I think I might have messed up by giving her two choices (more on that in second point). She hadn’t paid as of Friday. I sent her a calendar invite to hold the time for her first call as we’d identified on the discovery call.  She replied today saying it was an incredible call, she definitely still wants to work with me, but a business oppty came up.
On Monday I’ll decide how I want to reply, if I want to offer a payment plan with more installments, etc. But for now, my brain is saying it’s a sign that things aren’t working!
2. My brain is saying I messed up by adjusting my prices. My 6-session package has been $1500. I’ve been considering raising prices but wasn’t sure. I thought that entrepreneurs from this event likely had more available income, were used to investing, etc so I thought maybe I’d test raising it. I picked $2k because I liked the potential math. But my landing page at the event said my 1:1 started at $1500. So I gave her two options:
– $1500 for 6 calls without in-between support
– $2k for 6 packages WITH in-between support
Now I’m worrying I confused her and myself. $2k feels like it might have been too much of a stretch, that I could have gone to $1800 instead? I wasn’t clear enough and grounded enough on my reasons for the $2k and $1500 price points.

—————————————————————

My Answer:

Your mind is clumping a bunch of stuff together. Let’s separate it out.
Because the most painful place you’ll ever be in your business is believing your mind that any one thing (someone saying yes then no on a consult) MEANS things aren’t working in your business overall.  That though is so vague it will stop you from seeing what’s actually not working.
C: consult said yes, then said “something came up”
> Q: WHEN this happens…what do you want to think?
Examples: (these kind of thoughts can be thought for ALL consults like this)
  1. T: I was really excited to work with her F: sad
  2. T: if it isn’t this person…it must be someone else F: focused (future)
  3. T: I wish her the best F: love
  4. T: It’s totally possible she comes back into my space or not
  5. T: this has nothing to do with my people existing and being ready to work with me…I’m eager to see who else I meet this month
Then you can be aware of the thoughts that make this situation painful (creating awareness that they’re thoughts, not facts)
  • T: that call went really well (< This is one of those thoughts that might be okay but it might also make your brain confused about what could be tweaked if it believes it went great and still they said yes then no)
  • T: she was already half sold (I would be careful with what you think ABOUT someone, and explore how thinking it may have shifted how you prepared and handled the call)
  • T: She said yes on the call
  • T: I messed up (I’d get more specific without the judgement of yourself what your mind wants you to see)
  • T: This is a sign that things aren’t working in my business (this seems REALLY big and vague. Like arguing with a partner about money and then assuming things aren’t going well…why is your mind jumping so far into the negative here?)
  • T: I confused her and me about my pricing (this could be true. It could also be true that she had the call with you AND she didn’t want to work with you…don’t forget that women are trained to be polite and nice. You have no idea the extent to which she hides behind that. Which means it might have been pricing or it was something else entirely)
  • T: Maybe if I’d only raised my rates to $1800 instead of $2,000 than this wouldn’t have happened.
  • T: I wasn’t clear enough on my reasons for the new price
Make sure you answer the question for yourself above in bold.
You have a business. People will do consults, say yes and then say no.
You have to train your mind in how to think WHEN this happens so you don’t spiral.
10 consults from now, after doing this work…your brain will be doing completely different things and business will feel that much easier.
I'm a general life coach and I'm not confident in who or what I'm marketing
This was said in a coaching call and I wanted to elaborate for everyone. 

I’m a general life coach and I’m not confident in who or what I’m marketing

—————————————————————

My Answer:

Selling coaching certainly can involve a niche and a very specific type of person you talk to.
It also does NOT have to.
Instead you focus on what you DO know.
Let’s start with what you’re selling. You choose a price, length and how you meet for the calls. That is the basic stuff you know along with how to receive payment.
The part of your offer that matters though is what YOU believe about coaching. Why you think it’s valuable enough to pay for it. What results people want AND can get in their life because of coaching.
The beauty of general coaching is that there can be 15 answers and you’re just rotating between which you talk about.
In terms of WHO you’re talking to…you are more specific than you know.
For example let’s assume the following:
  1. They have money to spend and are looking for help (in an area your coaching can solve)
  2. They LOVE you and resonate with how you talk about stuff (so you being yourself is a HUGE attractor to them)
  3. They love hearing from you, even if they’re not ready to buy yet
  4. They trust you (they don’t need convinced or taught a bunch of stuff)

While this doesn’t even describe a single person notice how you could overlap this detail WITH insight from a favorite client or even a past version of yourself and only create content for that person and you’d already be SO specific with who you’re engetically pointing your content at.

My brain is obsessing that my clients will leave and be unhappy
In response to the question, “what does your brain telling you that you need BEFORE you make an offer for someone to pay you?”

Fear (thought) that keeps coming up:  I’m going to lose my current clients and my new clients will regret signing up with me.

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My question back for more detail:

T: I’m going to lose my current clients
T: my new clients will regret signing up with me
What is causing your mind to fear this? Explore it for each thought to see if the answer is different.

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Her Answer Back:

T: I’m going to lose my current clients
Deeper:  They aren’t getting enough results.  They blame me.  I blame me.  I’ve failed them.
Feeling:  Angst, fear, sadness, feels like a break up
Action:  Give more than they paid for to make up for it
Result:  They like me, but clients have left after completing their package… (60% resign and the clients in my head leaving have been with me for a few years)
T: my new clients will regret signing up with me
Deeper:  They will see I’m more a teacher than a coach.  If they don’t get results they will blame me.
Feeling: Angst
Action:  Overdeliver
Result:  Slow client creation
(Side note:  this thought made me think of how I seem to care more about my 11th graders’ grades, SAT scores, and college things than he does, even when he has As and Bs.  I want and expect more.   So now I am wondering if I putting myself in that same situation with clients.)

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My Answer Back:

What I see here is your mind feeling tender to people getting results they want, being happy with the results and you actually knowing / believing this.
Is that right?
If so…let’s start by being clear about the results,
What results do people come to you for?
Maybe it’s 1 thing or a handful of things.
Next.
I want you to think in terms of your best client-type:
  1. What is in your control when it comes to helping them get the result? (make a list)
  2. What’s in their control? (make a list)
We make coaching personal but if you were helping someone become a competitive swimmer and made this same list it would be really clear that each person has a role to play and the clearer you are of your role, the easier it is to help them with theirs.
My brain is obsessing that there is too much to do (so I do nothing)
My brain is obsessed with thinking that there’s too much to do – update website, create all the content, make it perfect, don’t be desperate, be clear, create desire.

It all feels like a lot so I do “nothing.”

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Answer:

I’m glad you’re aware of your mind telling you this.

Notice the actual feeling you feel when you think this thought. It sounds like overwhelmed, anxious even maybe.

Which would make sense then why your brain invites you to do nothing. Even though you aren’t doing anything…your nervous system feels tired from those emotions. And you get a front row seat to realize that it’s literally all in your head.

My mind still tells me this thought. I keep hoping it will go away but no luck yet. So instead I have a pattern for how I behave WHEN I have this thought. 

  1. I take deep breaths to release the tension in my body. 
  2. I remind myself that I’m not feeling this emotion because of all the work but rather because of the thought.
  3. I watch myself in my discomfort with this thought so I don’t accidently either avoid this emotion or jump right in to work thinking it will help. 
  4. Next I get more specific with myself. 

I ask myself questions like:

Q: what is my top priority? (it’s usually my money goal) 

Q: what can I do today towards this goal today? (be specific with 1-2 new-client focused things) 

Q: (chosen thing) what’s the simplest way I can do this so it allows me to connect with my people (instead of freezing) 

Q: what else is on my mind that I’d like to get done? (I write this stuff down, so I can see it as something I want to do but that isn’t directly connected to my goal. That way I can give myself permission to do this stuff without being confused about the impact of it on my goal) 

Q: how can I make this fun to do?

My brain is obsessing that I don't know what my message is or who it's aimed at
In answer to your questions of “What is your brain obsessing about, believing it needs to know or figure out…BEFORE you’re going to be able to create clients or money?” 

I’d already decided for my offer to be a free Fall coaching session, offering it to 10-20 people.

Now my brain is confusing me with the thoughts: I think Elizabeth wants me to offer straight up coaching, not free sessions… 

Also, it keeps telling me that I don’t quite know what my message is, and who it’s aimed at (capable women who face a challenge – but is that ’niche’ enough?), and most importantly: where I should be offering this…

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Answer:

I’m glad you heard your mind tell you this because it would be real hard to create clients if you aren’t sure who they are and where to find them! 

I like to think of my brain as though I can ask it questions, it will answer and then it’s my job to hear what it’s telling me and help it. So it can feel better (all of me basically) about us moving forward towards our goals. 

So when I look at what your mind is saying to you, I see your brain asking you to help it in these areas:

T: I think Elizabeth wants me to offer coaching (not free sessions)

Is that what I WANT though? ( <– ask yourself this) 

If it isn’t, talk to yourself specifically about what you want to take way from this 6-Weeks. Your brain wants you to tell it what you’re going to get from it so it can feel good knowing. 

For example, maybe you want 10 people to commit to 6 weeks of free coaching with you and you want to use this space to create those people. Yourself just wants you to be clear and not wishy-washy…and Elizabeth just wants you to practice following your desires and using these tools to create as you do.

T: I don’t know what my message / niche is 

Remember that “message” and “niche” are just fancy words for a person that wants a specific outcome or experience in their life. (feelings, actions, results, ways of thinking, etc) 

To be clear, you don’t have to pick one. That is the beauty with coaching vs programs. You can talk about ALL the outcomes and experiences they want in content and they can be attracted by whichever stands out to them. 

I’d make a list of everything you know about your person or the outcome they want. I suspect you have more insight than you realize.

Especially if you play weird games with yourself like asking, “does this woman live under a bridge?”, “does this woman live in a hospital?” “does this woman have 12 children?”, “what does this woman consider a challenge?” it’s silly but it makes you realize that you know who it is you’re talking to. 

T: I’m not sure where to offer this 

Is this true? 

Your mind wants you to be clear on this stuff. Sometimes it’s real stuff to solve. Sometimes it’s just your mind repeating sentences in your mind and it forgot you already know the answer. 

Daily Work link doesn't work
Question: 

Hi there, nothing downloads when I click The Daily Work. I have downloaded this as your freebie before – is it the same?

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Answer:

The link is fixed now! I love that you have experience with the Daily Work already, that will help you. This version has the same components but is slightly different.

Daily Work (solving it like a problem)
Question: 

I’m somewhat confused with the daily work…

In the part “Solve it like a problem” you always start it with a version of “I’d solve for this as a thought first.” = what does that mean?

Should we actually solve it like a problem (as per the examples) or as a thought? And if it’s the thought, how does that work?

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Answer:

So the first way to solve for what your mind gives you is to treat it like it’s a thought (because it is). Of the 3 suggested ways to handle what your mind gives you, that is the first option. (let me know if that first example isn’t enough information for handling it like a thought and I’ll give you another resource) 

I can see why that would be confusing to hear. Our mind hears our own mind as a fact. So if you look at it as a thought first, even before you problem solve for it…it will allow you to get more insight from yourself.

“I have so much to do” is both a thought AND can be something you problem solve for with planning.

If you only see it as a problem to solve though you will miss out on the emotional relief of realizing that you are thinking an anxiety inducing thought when awareness might have offered you think, “I have 3 things to do today” and feel focused. Which allows you to do less (because you don’t need to do any planning)…and feel better doing it.

Feel free to submit some of your thoughts, decide which way you’d solve for them and see if I see anything else to add.

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